2 months (almost exactly) after buying a new Dell desktop computer, it wouldn’t launch. Couldn’t get it to do anything, at all. Got in touch (via chat) with Dell Support. He had me disconnect all peripherals and reboot, which worked, thank god. I told him I’d run standard maintenance tools immediately and asked if there were any diagnostics I could run to identify the cause of the problem. The response:

“I would recommend if the system is working fine then there is no need to do any trouble shooting but if in case it dose not work you need to perform System Restore, but that will wipe all information from your system.”

So this support rep’s solution, if there were ANY FURTHER PROBLEMS: Wipe the machine and start from factory defaults.

For the uninitiated: Imagine if your car didn’t start. You call a mechanic and say “My car won’t start”. The mechanic says “Check the battery connectors and try to start it again”. You do, and it works. You ask the mechanic “Is there anything I can do to make sure this doesn’t happen again?” The mechanic says “Replace the entire engine.”

Yes. That’s a bit extreme. There are various things that you can do to insure your car works correctly/better. Same with the computer, but this guy, apparently, didn’t want to bother talking to me about them.

Thanks, Dell. Can’t wait to see what your support reps tell me when there’s a serious problem. “Go buy a new computer. Might we suggest a Dell?”

*Addendum: Yes, the tech support guy helped me fix my computer, and I appreciate that. But (a) his solution was a stock response that, frankly, I should have remembered to try myself, (b) he actually suggested that I take no further action to investigate why my computer wouldn’t start, and (c) if it hadn’t worked, he would’ve had me go to an unnecessary extreme right away. Hence the bitching above.

1. Not everybody uses Facebook in the same way or for the same reasons that you do. You don’t have to understand why I don’t want to join that thing you want me to join – just accept that I don’t and that I probably have my reasons.

2. Not everybody feels strongly about the things you feel strongly about. That’s not a failing on somebody else’s part – that’s life. On Facebook, take “no” for an answer.

3. You sent me an invitation to something and I didn’t do what you wanted me to do? That’s because I CHOSE NOT TO. It is NOT because I missed the invitation, hit the wrong button, didn’t understand what you were asking or other flaw or mistake on my part. Sending another invitation translates to “Please remove me from your Friends List, since I’m obviously not going to take the hint.”

4. Saying “No” to your requests does not make me a bad person. It just means I’m not your dancing monkey. See above.

5. If you really feel that strongly about something, CALL ME. If you don’t have my phone number or don’t know me that well, you probably shouldn’t be hassling me in the first place.

6. Applications on Facebook that serve no actual purpose (pokes, gifts, virtual farms, virtual crime syndicates) are, in the scheme of things, colossal wastes of time, and when you inflict these things on other people, you are wasting their time as well. If you wouldn’t do it on a phone call, don’t do it on Facebook:

“Hey, Bob! I bought you a drink!”
“Thanks, Fred, but where are you?”
“I’m at home. It’s not a real drink, it’s a pretend drink!”
“…what?”
“I’m pretending I bought you a drink! It’s not real. Now pretend to buy me one!”
“Fred, I gotta walk the dog.”
“But Bob! What about this great non-existent drink I pretended to buy for you?”
*click*

7. Bored? OH MY GOD NOBODY CARES. The only thing more boring than actually being bored is reading that somebody else is bored. Go take out the trash.

8. Be honest: How many people do you *really* believe are interested in your video game “achievements”? Yeah? WRONG. The answer is “not a single person“.

9. You’re a big fan of hippopotamuses that tango? Awesome. Dancing hippopotamuses have a Fan Page? Great! But you DO NOT NEED to send an invitation to everybody on your Friends List to Become a Fan. We fans of tangoing hippopotamuses will find that Fan Page on our own, don’t you worry.

10. Take a critical look at your status updates on the whole once in a while. If all they consist of is bitching about your life, TAKE THE HINT YOU’RE GIVING YOURSELF and do something about your life, or at least stop bitching about it so much. Whining about something on Facebook doesn’t change anything – CHANGING THINGS changes things.