Received and framed the gorgeous Phantom City Trick ‘r Treat poster, which inspired Ripley…

…while Ripley sings “Thirty days til Halloween, Halloween, Halloween! Silver Shamrock!”

Having met Robert Englund and seen the original Nightmare On Elm Street series, Ripley’s a Freddy Fan.

Ripley can’t believe Hobby Lobby has Christmas decorations out in July.

For the uninitiated, Ripley is my 8-year-old daughter, whom I am fond of quoting and remarking on in various social media and blog posts because she is an extraordinarily funny and clever little girl. I’ve had many, many people tell me they follow me on Twitter or Facebook mainly due to such posts.

So, for you Ripley Fans out there, I’ve condensed as many Ripley posts from Twitter as Twitter would allow me to get, going back to April 2009. Enjoy. Remember, these are in reverse chronological order:

ME: “Don’t tease the dog.” RIPLEY: “I’m sick. I can do whatever I want.”
16 hours ago

Sharktopus just came waltzing out of the water and ate a car. Dude in movie: “That was horrible!” Ripley: “That was awesome!”
21 Jan

Ripley and I just agreed that an Octoshark (head of an octopus, body of a shark) would be far less impressive. #HellYeahSharktopus
21 Jan

Ripley summarizes Jaws 4: “So a shark tries to kill the family, they stick it with a big piece of wood and it explodes. That’s just stupid.”
21 Jan

Listening to Aphex Twin’s “White Blur 1″; Ripley walks into my office, hears the gibbering voices in the background, and exclaims “MINIONS!”
21 Jan

RIPLEY: “You’re weird.” ME: “Noticed that, didja?” RIPLEY: “Everyone in the whole world noticed that! Africa! Japan! China!”
21 Jan

ME: “Did you like Jaws 3?” RIPLEY: “Yep.” ME: “‘Cause it was good, or fun to make fun of it?” RIPLEY (grinning): “Fun to make fun of it!”
20 Jan

More Jaws 3 in 3D fun with Ripley: Every time something comes floating or shooting towards the camera, we intone “THREEEEEE DEEEEE!”
20 Jan

Having fun watching Jaws 3 with Ripley & yelling “SHARK BAIT! OO HA HA!” whenever we think we’ve identified the next victim.
20 Jan

Ripley has discovered the joys of mowing down zombies and aliens with a plasma rifle on the Wii. 8-year-old me is so jealous.
20 Jan

Ripley: “I think I must’ve colored in this book when I was little. Well, that’s OK. I was little. I didn’t know procedures.”
13 Jan

Me, as drawn by Ripley http://ht.ly/1aN5XW
9 Jan

Ripley: “You’re the best daddy ever. You may look mean, but you’re actually nice.” Kid’s totally got me figured.
6 Jan

Ripley & I just coined a new term: “Funnoying”, something that’s funny, but a little annoying.
3 Jan

Modifications to the Barbie Dream House – Ripley built a coffin for Draculora (and friend). http://ht.ly/1aDd4p
28 Dec

First 10 minutes of “Christmas Vacation” and Ripley quietly says “I sure am glad my parents aren’t like that…”
23 Dec

Shelves full of Christmas, holiday, action/adventure, fantasy, animated and kid’s DVDs to choose from. What does Ripley pick? The Thing.
17 Dec

Talking with Ripley about Santa Claus earlier, we decided that he’s a Time Lord like Dr. Who. I mean, seriously – it explains everything.
16 Dec

Ripley and I are having a ridiculously good time watching Tremors 2: Aftershocks. “Is that a coyote?” “Yep.” “He better be quiet!”
12 Dec

RIPLEY: “NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!” ME: “What are you DOING?” RIPLEY: “I’m being Bit from Tron.” *sniff* I’m so proud…
11 Dec

Lady in Day of the Triffids: “There’s nothing to be afraid of.” Ripley: “…except the GIANT PLANTS THAT EAT PEOPLE!”
10 Dec

ME: “MAN it’s cold!” RIPLEY: “I feel your pain.”
9 Dec

My Dinner with Thing – This is Ripley’s solution when I make weird faces at her during dinner. http://ht.ly/1alCjH
7 Dec

Black Sabbath’s “Sweet Leaf” comes on in the kitchen, and we faintly hear Ripley – “Nuh nuh… NUH NUH NUH… nuh NUH nuh nuh NUH NUH NUH”
29 Nov

I have declared tonight Pizza & Kaiju Night. Ripley is unprepared for the stompy awesome sauce that is Godzilla: Final Wars.
20 Nov

Resistance Is Futile – This is Ripley, Age 2, on Halloween 2004. YOU CANNOT RESIST THE CUTE. Click the photo to see … http://ht.ly/1a323T
18 Nov

Ripley has apparently been carrying her vampire teeth around; she’s chasing a bunch of screaming giggling kids around the play place with’em
4 Nov

Ripley & I are *so* going to this tonight: RiffTrax LIVE: House on Haunted Hill http://ht.ly/3144o
28 Oct

PUMPKIN GUTS! – A blast from the past Ripley & I have been doing this pumpkin carving thing for quite a while now. http://ht.ly/19FSvJ
28 Oct

Thanks to Mad Libs, the Savages’ new favorite insult is “YOU’RE STUPID AND YOU SMELL LIKE CLOWN!” Related news: Ripley discovered Mad Libs.
8 Oct

I gave Ripley an old shirt with a raven image on it to sleep in. She looks in the mirror, throws up a fist and yells “GO EDGAR ALLAN POE!”
29 Sep

I’ve started speaking like a foppish British dandy. The Goal: Make Ripley pee herself with laughter. It’s only a matter of time…
23 Sep

Ripley Just Can’t Stop Being Awesome. Oh, and HALLOWEEEEEEN – Miss Ripley models her new witchy hat at Target, where… http://ht.ly/1944dx
18 Sep

Ripley, observing some sports fan merch: “We’re not really Sports People. We’re Halloween People.” Could’n't’ve said it better myself, kiddo
8 Sep

Ripley on Carpenter’s The Thing: “It wasn’t scary, but it was freaky and creepy. It was FREEPY!” She’ll get the subtext when she’s older…
7 Sep

Deciding whether or not to watch Phantasm: ALEX: “It’s kinda gory.” RIPLEY: “What’s ‘gory’?” ALEX: “Blood ‘n’ guts.” RIPLEY: “YAAAY!”
4 Sep

Ripley & I just watched Big Fat Back Porch Spider catch and wrap up a fly “just like they did to the people in Eight Legged Freaks.”
12 Aug

Ripley walks up with a bowl of kitchen magnets. “Magnets, Michael. You’re eating magnets! How do they taste?” Clever Lost Boys parody FTW!
12 Aug

Ripley, on seeing the “Chatterbox Orphanage” sign in “Crybaby”: “I like that font. It’s like a horror house for kids!” *sniff* I’m so proud!
7 Aug

Ripley, having seen The Prophey, now likes to lean over and whisper emphatically “I LOVE YOU MORE THAN JESUS.” Yeah, THAT’S not creepy.
7 Aug

Ripley just found out the hard way why we tell her 5 times a day to get out of the puppy’s face. NOSE NIP! Now maybe she’ll believe us.
3 Aug

[RIPLEY] “Daddy, I have a fever.” [ME] “AND THE ONLY PRESCRIPTION IS MORE COWBELL!” [RIPLEY] “…what??”
26 Jul

Watching the Gorillaz “Clint Eastwood” video. ME: “We should watch Resident Evil next. Zombies!” RIPLEY, throwing up her fists: “YESSSS!”
24 Jul

The evening’s viewing commences with Stephen King’s Silver Bullet. Ripley’s going to love it. This is my favorite Gary Busey character ever.
16 Jul

Ripley’s playing DS wearing undies and a winter coat. Asked why, she says “I’m pretending I’m homeless. But I have a DS.” So now I know.
16 Jul

Ripley: “Daddy, is that movie we watched still in the DVD player?” Me: “The Grudge? Yep.” Ripley: “…can I watch it again?”
13 Jun

The Grudge – ME: “Are you scared?” RIPLEY: “Nope.” ME: “Maybe a little spooked?” RIPLEY: “Maaaaybe…”
12 Jun

Ripley, watching The Grudge: “I wouldn’t open that closet or that ghost is prolly gonna kill your FACE!”
12 Jun

Ripley & I (and an errant firefly) are watching The Grudge. So far, Ripley is not too frightened by J-horror. The firefly, however, might be
12 Jun

Fun times watching The Munsters earlier. I asked Ripley if @KittyZombie reminded her of Herman and she grinned and said “oooh YEEAAAAH!”
14 May

Just making Alex & Ripley giggle by doing my impression of The Mayor of Halloweentown which, to my surprise, I can do. I didn’t know that.
11 May

Ripley realized that we’re “not a normal family” because “normal people don’t like all this spooky stuff”. She also knows “normal is boring”
26 Apr

Watching “The Matrix”, scene where Trinity goes end-over-end down the stairs. Ripley points and says “Mommy! That’s what happened to you!”
24 Apr

Tried reading a couple of books to Ripley that failed to engage her, but @RealCliveBarker ‘s The Thief of Always had her hooked from page 1.
19 Apr

Just sent Ripley into hysterics by changing “Please Grow for Me” from Little Shop of Horrors to “Please Pee for Me”, sung to the puppy.
17 Apr

Ripley’s favorite new movie (thanks to NetFlix) is Little Shop of Horrors. She just declared her favorite part: Bill Murray’s scene.
16 Apr

Alex, watching Ripley hork down a slice of pie: “Wow, your mouth is big.” Ripley smiles, proclaims: “Yep! I got m’daddy’s giant pie hole!”
16 Mar

Ripley’s impression of me, done with pizza dough http://flic.kr/p/7GNnVG
1 Mar

Watching “Alien” with Ripley. They find the derelict craft & she intones “Nooo! Don’t go in the shiiip! It’s full of doooooom!”
28 Feb

Ripley watches Ghost Adventures while Vincent Price watches Ripley http://flic.kr/p/7G44LJ
26 Feb

Arguing the existence of monsters. RIPLEY “Mummies don’t exist.” ME “Yes they do.” RIP “Sea monsters!” ME “Giant squid!” RIP “DADDY!”
19 Feb

In the car waiting for Alex’s delayed flight, listening to Ripley’s sleep-breathing in time to @nineinchnails Ghosts, watching it snow. Nice
17 Feb

I can’t remember the last time Ripley got as excited about a movie as she did about Cloverfield. the faux-verite style really worked for her
13 Feb

Ripley and I are snuggled up and embarking on Cloverfield. She’s never seen movie like this. Should be good.
13 Feb

I have to say one of my favorite things in the world is seeing the light bulb go off over Ripley’s head when she grasps a new concept. DING!
10 Feb

Ripley, full after half a bagel “You going to finish your whole breakfast?” Me “Yes-is that a problem?” Ripley “No, it’s just impressive.”
10 Feb

Ripley and I upgraded our game from me beating up imaginary monsters to spraying her whole bedroom with industrial-strength Monster-B-Gone®.
7 Feb

If I put this skull mask on and burst into Ripley’s bedroom screaming like a banshee, I could put her in therapy for years… MMmmnaaaah.
6 Feb

I had to lead the way up the stairs after the scary movie, beating up imaginary spooks and monsters much to Ripley’s giggly delight.
6 Feb

Just watched “House of Bones” on SyFy with Ripley – surprisingsly spooky, fun movie. She liked it and is well and truly spooked out.
6 Feb

I will be introducing Ripley to the insanity that is Time Bandits today. Prepare to have your mind blown, little missy.
6 Feb

Ripley and I suiting up for school, singing at the top of our lungs “I’M A BANANA! I’M A BANANA! I’M A BANANA! LOOK AT ME MOVE!”
5 Feb

Watching AFV with Ripley (one of her favorite shows). At the end of a trampoline disaster montage, she shakes her head and mutters “fail”.
3 Feb

ME: “What’re you doing?” RIPLEY: “Looking at my face in the mirror. I didn’t know I was this pretty.” Don’t ever, ever lose that, kiddo.
1 Feb

Ripley spilled her water and asked if she was in trouble. I decreed that she wasn’t allowed to have a hippopotamus in the house for 3 days.
29 Jan

Ripley, playing tag, grabs my shoulder and yells to her little friends “This is base! This glob right here is base!” I AM THE MIGHTY GLOB!
22 Jan 10

Listening to Cage the Elephant’s No Rest for the Wicked, Ripley had the epiphany that a song is just a poem set to music.
21 Jan 10

To clarify previous post – Ripley only got nipped, by a very little dog, because she plays too rough, which we’ve told her. For a year.
17 Jan 10

Despite a year of warnings, Ripley just learned the hard way that the front end of a little dog is full of pointy things.
17 Jan 10

Ripley just watched Twilight Zone The Movie. Parts 1 & 2 were “boring”, 3 was “pretty OK” and Lithgow’s 4th act was “AWESOME!”. Attagirl.
16 Jan 10

Cartoon character gets its head knocked in, says “I can see my spleen!” Ripley says “If I could see that, I’d throw up inside myself.”
16 Jan 10

RIPLEY: “I can read your mind!” ME: “Oh yeah? What am I thinking?” RIPLEY: “That I’m a poo-butt!” ME: “OH MY GOD YOU CAN READ MINDS!”
14 Jan 10

ME: “What’s invisible and smells like dust? MUMMY FARTS!” Ripley: “What’s invisible and smells disgusting? DADDY FARTS!” Touché, ma chérie.
13 Jan 10

Sometimes I get annoyed with Ripley for doing things that kids do, then I spend 30 minutes around other people’s kids. I got it easy.
7 Jan 10

Ripley, after rubbing her fuzzy gloves on top of my head, sniffs them and yells “YOU MADE MY GLOVES SMELL LIKE BALD!”
4 Jan 10

Ripley: “Dad, did you know they have this ride at Disney World called The Haunted Mansion? DO YOU WANNA GO??” Me: “THEY DO? YES I WANNA GO!”
4 Jan 10

Ripley, in response to an inexplicable Spiderman doll dangling from a car wash ceiling: “Maybe it’s a sign of Doom?”
30 Dec 09

Ripley, upon walking into a cavernously large Best Buy and looking up: “Wow! You could fit nine million and eighty-four bats in here!”
28 Dec 09

Me, playing “Guess Who?” with Ripley: “Is your monster friendly?” Ripley: “All monsters are friendly.”
28 Dec 09

How do I know I’m a good father? I’m sitting in the Chipmunk movie, ’cause that’s what Ripley wanted to see. Not Avatar. Chipmunks.
28 Dec 09

Nothing like watching “Big” with a child. It’s like an entirely different movie from their perspective. Ripley’s in no hurry to grow up now!
14 Dec 09

ME: “You’re a weird monkey full of monkey noises made by weird monkeys.” RIPLEY: “You have NO idea.”
11 Dec 09

Ripley had her first performance in The Nutcracker today:”You should have seen me on stage today. I was aMAZing.” Ah, to be 7 and shameless.
11 Dec 09

Why I love my daughter: ME: “That new robe sure looks fuzzy and warm” RIPLEY(in best Dane Cook voice): “You don’t even KNOW!”
9 Dec 09

Thanks to Elf, Ripley and I now yell “DID YOU HEAR THAT?!?” after we burp, instead of saying “Excuse me.” Thank you, Mr. Ferrell. Seriously.
8 Dec 09

Ripley’s watching Home Alone in the living room. I can tell they just got to the last 20 minutes because she’s laughing maniacally.
5 Dec 09

Ripley just made it clear that I have to do what Mommy tells me to do. It’s not that I didn’t know that – just alarmed that SHE knows it.
5 Dec 09

Ripley, growing impatient for the Halloween candy I told her she could have (but which I have to get for her): “Let’s go, Baldy!”
1 Nov 09

Ripley sez “I’m glad they invented Halloween. Without Halloween, there’d be no such thing as ‘spooky’. We need Halloween.”
29 Oct 09

ME: “Ripley, want a Halloween Oreo?” RIPLEY: “Is there one with a zombie on it?” ME (after checking): “Nope.” RIPLEY: “Awwww MAN.” Hee.
17 Sep 09

Ripley just attacked me with one of those robot pincher toys, so I put on my Freddy glove & a mighty battle ensued. There were no survivors.
14 Aug 09

Ripley just asked me to put on the soundtrack to @DrHorrible to listen to while she takes her bath. Attagirl.
10 Aug 09

Ripley, griped at for getting dirty outside: “Well, that’s just the way life is.” Did I mention Ripley is 6?
11 Jul 09

Ripley “What would happen if I ate a whole bunch of broccoli?” Me “It’d turn your poop green.” Ripley, after a moment “I can live with that”
26 Jun 09

Microsoft guy is working on my laptop remotely; told Ripley it was a ghost using my computer. She doesn’t believe me. She’s a smartee.
25 Jun 09

Ripley is really into dancing, so I just showed her the original Thriller video. I think I might have blown her mind.
12 May 09

Ripley: DADDY! MY NEW TOOTHBRUSH HAS A TONGUE SCRAPER! Me: OMG I’M SO EXCITED! Ripley: NO YOU’RE NOT! Me: YOU’RE RIGHT! Ripley: I KNOW!
20 Apr 09

Ripley just read that last post and asked me why eating hot dogs at 9:30 at night is naughty. I explained. Now her dog tastes twice as good.
18 Apr 09

Ripley and I decided to have delicious all-beef grilled out hot dogs for dessert, even though it’s past her bedtime. We’re so naughty!
18 Apr 09

Ripley has managed to misinterpret “Get out of the car” and “Put this in the sink” in the last hour. She’s 6, so smart, yet so clueless. Oi.
15 Apr 09

Ripley built a coffin for Draculora (and friend).

This is Ripley’s solution when I make weird faces at her during dinner.